The Door-Hanger Cop

Disclaimer: At no time was your host (hereafter referred to as Heytaylor or tireless host) or anyone in his association in any real or perceived danger during the following event. Both researcher and Heytaylor were far-removed from the scene as this conversation took place. And, it is your host's humble opinion that the officer mentioned in this account would not likely be such a fool to actually track-down your host (Heytaylor) or his diligent researcher (hereafter referred to as Mike) and jeopardize his badge/career/reputation because of his own ridiculous behavior that will be revealed in the following account.
This account is presented as a humorous vignette and is your tireless host's finest attempt at enjoyable writing, yet all responsibility (and even the occurance of the following event) will be completely and wholly denied if the tireless host is approached (or reproached) for participating in the following conversation. Stay calm. Everybody is fine. The real problem is al quaeda anyway right? Life is funny. Laugh a little.

That being said, please enjoy the following from "A day in the life of a pre-foreclosure real estate investor..."
I've got a pre-foreclosure researcher (hereafter referred to as Mike,) and his normal routine at the door is to knock twice and then leave one of my flyers offering our Free Report for people having trouble with their mortgage...

Now, there is nothing on the flyer that notes anything about foreclosure specifically because I believe that allowing people in FC to save face may give me a leg up on the idiots out there with lines like, "Hi, I know you're in foreclosure. Are we going to do business together?"
But I digress...

For the most part, the people in FC are very nice, but sometimes, no matter what we may try to do to distance ourselves from the nuts in the world, at times, interactions with the crazies do occur.

Case in point.

I knew that Mike was out making calls this particular evening so I kept my cell phone with me in case he called with a lead. Mike called me a couple of times with questions about foreclosure procedures and such, so when my phone rang again I wasn't surprised or on guard at all.

I didn't recognize the call ID so I figured that it would be someone calling on one of my flyers. It was. Turns out that the guy on the line was a tenant and was irate that someone would leave a flyer on his door. I calmly asked about his landlord in between his rantings and learned that his landlord was not in FC, but that the $#^*$#'ing bank had screwed everything up. I assured him that the bank would likely publish a rescission notice in the next 2 weeks or so, but to expect calls/visits from other investors in the next few weeks. (At this point I was just trying to get this dude off the phone)

He then started swearing again and began to go on about how it is illegal to leave flyers inside a door. (Turns out that Mike opened the screen door and left a rolled up flyer between the handle and the door jam.) I was getting tired of listening to this yahoo at this point and considered hanging up, but as I pulled the phone from my ear I thought...

"Self, this guy has your cell number... Better to see this through to the end and get him off the line than have him write "for a good time call (insert cell # here)" inside the mens room in every gas station in his neighborhood..." Hmmm... I had a good point there...

Since I usually have good advice, I listened to myself, but at the same time I was still a little cranky, so...

I told my verbal tenant caller that I wasn't aware of any law against leaving a flyer at the door and asked, "What do you do when the pizza guy leaves a hanger on your door?" (before reproaching your tireless host for his witty albeit ill-advised quip to the cussing phone-caller, please refer to disclaimer in paragraph 1 of this post.) The obvious intention of said quip was for the enjoyment of your tireless host and to get the crazy person on the other end to hang up the phone, while at the same time show him how ridiculous he was being for flying off the handle in a expletive-laden tirade for a simple flyer at his door. I digress...

This comment really lit him up and he came loose with a tirade of profanity that any enlisted Navy-man would be proud of and then let it slip that he is currently a Virginia Beach Police Officer (which, in some small way means that he works for me, the taxpayer...) and painted a clear picture of how he was going to drive through the neighborhood and track me down and cuff me, face-down in the street. It became clear at this point that he thought it was me (your fearless host!) who left the flyer on his door and he said he knew what my car looked like and if he had some clothes on he'd track me down right this second! (Thank heavens for the western cultural tradition of the after-work shower!)

Cue the twightlight zone music... This was really getting weird. At this point I'm thinking 'holy crap!' I got myself a badged-up testosterone fueled, tazer armed fool on the line here! Run away! Run away!

I backed away from the conversation quickly knowing that it although it was my voice on the line, it was my diligent reacher's butt was on the line since he had likely just left the house only minutes before!

OK, (I said to myself,) get him calmed down.
Why is he mad? Oh yeah, the flyer,
the visit... strangers knocking on his door...

If you were nuts, what would make you go away? Take away the pain/annoyance! Brilliant!

I told him that I would take his house off my list and he wouldn't hear from any of my team ever again, but I again warned him that he may get visits from other investors until the rescission notice got posted in the paper.

He yelled 'FINE!' and hung up.

End of conversation. Whew! (And luckily, no further calls since then.)

Of course, I called my diligent researcher Mike and he was far away from that house, in fact, he hadn't been in that particular neighborhood for over an hour, but he still put an "X" on that record to keep the "cuff master" from having a similar face-to-face conversation with him.

I've got to say, I pity the fool that knocks on this guy's door next...
Dominoes pizza, Maria's cleaning service and JT's pressure washing better watch out for...

The Door-Hanger Cop!

Ps. Please return to top of post & re-read disclaimer before reprimanding your tireless host.

Pps. Post a comment. I know you're here. I can see you in my sitemeter. :)